Tears

He had finished his morning study. His mother pampered him up and dressed him up neatly, ready for school. He remembered that he had homework in English and Maths that day, and he had managed to do it properly. He had remembered to pack his bags neatly to school. He was disciplined. With a great level of satisfaction and brimming with self confidence he started to school. School started at 8 45 - he was at school bright and early by 8 30. End of early morning prayer and everyone rushed to form part of the queue for the descent into the corridor. "Wow, a field trip, which exciting new place am i going to now?" he wondered.

In a podium, there were to be lined up, the wards of class 1 for the annual photo shoot. Prabhu being the tallest of the lot, was to occupy the last step of the podium towering at a height of 10 feet. Similar to all other infants, his natural reaction was to be afraid. He was scared, But he did not cry. "Why should I cry? Come on now, You can do this...". It was a harrowing experience, but he did manage to climb up the to the top of the podium. The tears came upto his eyelids, his eyes glistened, as the shot was taken. But he did not cry.


....

He took the long road that day to home. He was broken in spirit. He had just been fired from his job. What will he tell his wife? He did not have much to fall back upon. Not anything that'll last him more than a month. "How did it come to this?" he thought. He had been doing very poor at work and home lately. His demons had gotten the better of him. It is not easy now is it if the demons are of your mind. Once it gets control there is not letting go.

He crossed the street where one of his erstwhile lovers were there. "She s a w****". Their break up did n go well with him. He was left an emotional wreck for months. But she had managed to move on fairly quickly. Every time he saw her smiling, a sword went through his heart. "How could she do this to me?" he had thought. But that pain eased out, once they both parted ways after college was over. As time passed they had started seeing other people. Few years hence, both of them were married - to different people, "it does n matter anymore" he said to himself. His shoulders were down, so was his face, he did n look at the road as he walked, he did n care.

As he walked further on, came the juice shop. "Damn, this place still has that shake", he could n quite remember his favorite shake's name. He remembered his friends and him used to have such a great time there. Every Saturday night everyone would be there on the dot at 8 00 no matter what. Absenteeism was frowned upon. The next week would be on the absentee. No one defaulted, not for the penalty, but for the fear of missing the great time they would have the next five hours. There were not a lot of great places to party in chennai, but they knew all the places which knew how to throw a Saturday night party - the juice shop would be their assembly, straight to sachin's for some great north indian khana, after that it was black rock music - which housed the best dj in all of chennai, then it would be bessy, where they would sit for hours discussing the week that was, mocking each other, swearing at each other, and whole lot of other frivolities. Some of them boys even managed to have a glimpse in to some of the other girls' eyes (and vice versa), a brief moment, but a moment nonetheless. Then off to the juice shop where they would have each have their heart's fill of laughter and exotic concoctions, raise their glasses and call it a great week. "What was the name of that shake again?, dammit.". As all good things come to an end, so did their great weeks. Now each lived in a different corner of the earth. They hardly spoke to each other, each caught up in the grand and unique web that the world had spun for each of them. His heart did feel a little light on this reminiscence, but pain filled its place quickly enough."Why did those guys leave me. They were with me when i was happy, not even a single one is there to share my grief. That s the world for you."

The road was too long that day. He saw it extended on and on, there was no ending in sight. It was pitch black, there was naught but void there. There was no ending in sight. He was afraid to take that road. He had taken that road before and he knew where it lead him. He was afraid. His stood there eyes widened in horror, sweating, heart beating at a deadly pace. He panicked, struggling for breath. He felt he was about to collapse then and there and lie there forever. Peace at last. The peace he had always desired for - eternal sleep and eternal peace.

But the day was such that he would not even be granted his death wish. The moment had passed, and he was left naught but an empty shell, capable of shedding tears only.


It started to rain. Distant Thunders caught his ears. He Walked furhter exhausted, not knowing now where he was going, shoulders could n droop any lower. As he laboured on, he managed to catch a glimpse of a blue gate. There was some activity going on there in that place, some hauling, some renovation. It was his school. He could also recognise the watchman, who had managed to stay on there, even after all these years. He noticed that the entire school had got a makeover - a new basket ball court and tennis nets, new layers of paint, a bright shiny emblem of bronze alloy visible from till about 500 meters or so he guessed. As he was witnessing all this, he wondered why all this activity was going on deep into the night. He then remembered that it was school day the next day. School day was a grand occassion, a time of joy especially since that normal classes would be disrupted for an entire fortnight before the event. It was a time of great fun, the whole school would be working as a unit to make it a grand day. And more importantly, it was the where the annual photo shoot for the year book would happen. He laughed on thinking how he was afraid on climbing the podium to the last stair at about 10 feet. The students were supposed to be arranged in height order, and he was the tallest of the lot. It had taken nearly three to four photo shoots in order for him to shed his fear of the top step. His heart grew even heavier on this retrospection. Back to reality. . . he remembered that the podium used to be at the extreme right of the play ground at the south west corner. Would it still be there? Even before he could complete his question, he noticed that five to six men were hauling a large podium to the lorry which was meant for all the scrap. It was the same podium. He also noticed that a brand new steel podium had taken its place, bright and shiny with silver paint.

The moment had given him a final blow. He collapsed on his knee cap, holding his face in his hands - "How did it come to this?".
Even as he screamed "I want my life back", Tears rolled out uncontrolled, through his fingers, Thirty six long years, hence.