Tears

He had finished his morning study. His mother pampered him up and dressed him up neatly, ready for school. He remembered that he had homework in English and Maths that day, and he had managed to do it properly. He had remembered to pack his bags neatly to school. He was disciplined. With a great level of satisfaction and brimming with self confidence he started to school. School started at 8 45 - he was at school bright and early by 8 30. End of early morning prayer and everyone rushed to form part of the queue for the descent into the corridor. "Wow, a field trip, which exciting new place am i going to now?" he wondered.

In a podium, there were to be lined up, the wards of class 1 for the annual photo shoot. Prabhu being the tallest of the lot, was to occupy the last step of the podium towering at a height of 10 feet. Similar to all other infants, his natural reaction was to be afraid. He was scared, But he did not cry. "Why should I cry? Come on now, You can do this...". It was a harrowing experience, but he did manage to climb up the to the top of the podium. The tears came upto his eyelids, his eyes glistened, as the shot was taken. But he did not cry.


....

He took the long road that day to home. He was broken in spirit. He had just been fired from his job. What will he tell his wife? He did not have much to fall back upon. Not anything that'll last him more than a month. "How did it come to this?" he thought. He had been doing very poor at work and home lately. His demons had gotten the better of him. It is not easy now is it if the demons are of your mind. Once it gets control there is not letting go.

He crossed the street where one of his erstwhile lovers were there. "She s a w****". Their break up did n go well with him. He was left an emotional wreck for months. But she had managed to move on fairly quickly. Every time he saw her smiling, a sword went through his heart. "How could she do this to me?" he had thought. But that pain eased out, once they both parted ways after college was over. As time passed they had started seeing other people. Few years hence, both of them were married - to different people, "it does n matter anymore" he said to himself. His shoulders were down, so was his face, he did n look at the road as he walked, he did n care.

As he walked further on, came the juice shop. "Damn, this place still has that shake", he could n quite remember his favorite shake's name. He remembered his friends and him used to have such a great time there. Every Saturday night everyone would be there on the dot at 8 00 no matter what. Absenteeism was frowned upon. The next week would be on the absentee. No one defaulted, not for the penalty, but for the fear of missing the great time they would have the next five hours. There were not a lot of great places to party in chennai, but they knew all the places which knew how to throw a Saturday night party - the juice shop would be their assembly, straight to sachin's for some great north indian khana, after that it was black rock music - which housed the best dj in all of chennai, then it would be bessy, where they would sit for hours discussing the week that was, mocking each other, swearing at each other, and whole lot of other frivolities. Some of them boys even managed to have a glimpse in to some of the other girls' eyes (and vice versa), a brief moment, but a moment nonetheless. Then off to the juice shop where they would have each have their heart's fill of laughter and exotic concoctions, raise their glasses and call it a great week. "What was the name of that shake again?, dammit.". As all good things come to an end, so did their great weeks. Now each lived in a different corner of the earth. They hardly spoke to each other, each caught up in the grand and unique web that the world had spun for each of them. His heart did feel a little light on this reminiscence, but pain filled its place quickly enough."Why did those guys leave me. They were with me when i was happy, not even a single one is there to share my grief. That s the world for you."

The road was too long that day. He saw it extended on and on, there was no ending in sight. It was pitch black, there was naught but void there. There was no ending in sight. He was afraid to take that road. He had taken that road before and he knew where it lead him. He was afraid. His stood there eyes widened in horror, sweating, heart beating at a deadly pace. He panicked, struggling for breath. He felt he was about to collapse then and there and lie there forever. Peace at last. The peace he had always desired for - eternal sleep and eternal peace.

But the day was such that he would not even be granted his death wish. The moment had passed, and he was left naught but an empty shell, capable of shedding tears only.


It started to rain. Distant Thunders caught his ears. He Walked furhter exhausted, not knowing now where he was going, shoulders could n droop any lower. As he laboured on, he managed to catch a glimpse of a blue gate. There was some activity going on there in that place, some hauling, some renovation. It was his school. He could also recognise the watchman, who had managed to stay on there, even after all these years. He noticed that the entire school had got a makeover - a new basket ball court and tennis nets, new layers of paint, a bright shiny emblem of bronze alloy visible from till about 500 meters or so he guessed. As he was witnessing all this, he wondered why all this activity was going on deep into the night. He then remembered that it was school day the next day. School day was a grand occassion, a time of joy especially since that normal classes would be disrupted for an entire fortnight before the event. It was a time of great fun, the whole school would be working as a unit to make it a grand day. And more importantly, it was the where the annual photo shoot for the year book would happen. He laughed on thinking how he was afraid on climbing the podium to the last stair at about 10 feet. The students were supposed to be arranged in height order, and he was the tallest of the lot. It had taken nearly three to four photo shoots in order for him to shed his fear of the top step. His heart grew even heavier on this retrospection. Back to reality. . . he remembered that the podium used to be at the extreme right of the play ground at the south west corner. Would it still be there? Even before he could complete his question, he noticed that five to six men were hauling a large podium to the lorry which was meant for all the scrap. It was the same podium. He also noticed that a brand new steel podium had taken its place, bright and shiny with silver paint.

The moment had given him a final blow. He collapsed on his knee cap, holding his face in his hands - "How did it come to this?".
Even as he screamed "I want my life back", Tears rolled out uncontrolled, through his fingers, Thirty six long years, hence.

A Tale of Three Love

So i m back.. after a brief hiatus.. with a new display name, profile shot and more.

This was an article i wrote for THE HINDU - NxG, in the meantime. I really don't know why i wrote it. Guess it was a spot of the moment thing. Guess i was bored after looking at or into books for such a long time at a stretch. An article for most parts inspired by those i v met here.So thought i d publish it. So here s the content.

While you read the article, i want you to keep two things in mind - 1) It had to be short 2)No names in public domain.

And another clarification, the three or wait the two persons i v mentioned in the main body of the article, are people i know in real life, people i v known for quite a long time now.. So with this in mind do read on and let me know..

A Tale of Three Love

“Oh boy, not another guy, talking about love” – This is the reaction I expect from the reader on seeing the title, why?, because I would myself react in the same fashion. But I can assure all those who go on to read the article without prejudice to the title, that this will be an unorthodox one and interestingly so. So go on what are you waiting for?

Love Version Alpha – This love was borne out my search for a meaningful existence. Do you ever get the feeling that you should be of some significance to this world however insignificant life may be. Well my “this love” was borne out of that desire – To be that “∆” that change to status Quo. This love is for academics and intelligence, with which I strive to make a difference to this world.

Love Version Beta – Oh boy, how can I put this love in words. Have you ever heard of the phrase love at first sight. Well this love of mine was at first contact. A Few people get to say that they love their bosses. Well this boss of mine is my principal at my student training. Before I met this guy, I never thought I could learn from a fellow human, but now after about a year of knowing him, I would say that I have changed, to such an extent that even a close friend who knew me so well a year back would drop his jaws on meeting me now saying “Is this you?”. This love is special since it is borne out of respect, and a deep feeling of admiration.

Love Version Gamma – I v heard the clause “love is blind” being said in atleast a thousand different occasions, and each time I would go – “How Lame!” But I now realize that, it is in fact true. This love is the conventional love that society talks about – yes, but special none the less. Why do is say this love is blind – may be because I see no reason for its origin. This love is just for the sake of it. And believe me when I say this, it is just one of those things that makes this world a better place.

So have I kept my word when I said this would be unconventional? I hope so. My regards are due to three other persons – (1) My Dad and mom, who have been such an inspiration for me right through all my tough times, first regards due to them always and (2) A blogger with the alias “Tangled up in Blue” who first showed me that you could express love publicly and yet be discreet and subtle (and also to another called Ketan, who served as an intro) (3) And Three of course you, nXg, for giving people this wonderful platform to write."

And for those of who you who want a link (CLICK).

More about these three love in future posts.

The Graveyard missive

Dear Friend, we swore a friendship for life.

I wish you the best in the life after,

As I write this missive,

From a Tomb that declares,

"Here lies buried a Man's honour"

What I Realised on a Saturday

These are a few things which i realised this saturday -

1. You should never underestimate your own potential.
2. You can face adversity but whether you come through it or not , depends on your will
3. Only you can put a cap on what you can do, no one else can stop you, or limit you.
4. Be passionate and give it your all ... whatever you do whenever you do... But decide what you are going to do wisely... Constantly introspect as to whether your actions meet your goals, your desires, your wishes, else make such choices that will lead to their convergence...But never question yourself after you have put yourself in a course of irrevocable transit after making a choice..
5. The Lakers Rule (especially kobe) & F.R.I.E.N.D.S are forever (esp the guys), U2 rock ..
6. I think i v got it all figured out (finally)
7. I am also so forgetful that i ll forget all of the above if i don't write them down,, (something like nolan in momento or surya of gajini). I should really not forget that i should'nt forget the above..
8. What else was i thinking ..
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.....
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DAMN...

An Eternal Thought....

This is what was conveyed to me by the eyes of a great barn owl which shone brighter then the white knight of the dark sky at the backdrop, whilst it was perched on the leafless branch ....

"Tis in the darkest night that the light shines the brightest and tis in the brightest day that the shadows falls the darkest. From the highest place does one fall farthest, and from the deepest pit is the great ascent. Passionate shall you be, for in passion lies hope and in hope lies effort, effort which yields the elixir, the elixir of happiness, and tis this happiness which shall lead you to the heavens.."

In Relativity lies the secret..

Recently a great friend and mentor gave me a new perspective of life....

I swore when i started posting that i would not dwell on any philosophy.. i have already been boring a lot of people around me with that

But a lot has been happening around me recently.. a lot of whining going on that i had to come up with this one... hope it reaches its destination....

The relativity....
All those who think what happens at home or at workplace or society in general is sheer hell..

Then what do you say about those who are not given an opportunity of redeeming themselves from the hell they have been borne into... the constant grind of slavery, of torture, of terror, of exploitation... where you are not allowed to let yourself imagine a better tomorrow, than what it was today.. where you are not given a choice to let yourself to the world in all its splendor and beauty.. where you wake up everyday only to be someone else's meal.... where you are fed up of so many injuries that you would rather take a walk down the plank and descend to hell and oblivion rather than take another second of this life.. where u have lost the will to stand up for yourself, where your mind is forever fortified by a wall of paranoia and has lost the gift of imagination or choice .....

If you are in such hell, then complain.. because in every other situation you have the right and privilege of choice. The choice to be happy, to pursue your happiness..

Do you still think that you are worse off?? Kind of funny na... Every man thinks he is the most unlucky person in the world, doomed to suffer..
you are that way only because you think so.. do you not have it within you to break the shackles and flood your worries with sheer effort..

Have humans become so weak in thought have they do not have the audacity to go ahead and do what they want? Do not let yourself be that weakling who has the choice yet will not stand up for his own self.. for his own happiness..

Is your brain so washed up or are you so mediocre that you would rather do what society says than what YOU want to do. Get yourself out a there and put yourself in the track where you are doing what you want to do.. If you do not have the guts to do this please do not whine... do not complain... do not swear... at others .. look rather within yourself and judge.. you would either be happy the next day or would have rid this world of another complaint, another excuse for a human being...

The revelations of a fallen fool....

Love, though art the brood of the purity, the hope, the divine,
The solemn for those who seek, the solitude for the troubled mind.



You love are the medicine for the hurt, the dawn for those asleep
The amnesty for those who sin, the hope for those defeat ..



But love, are you also the fickle, the pain, the leech?
Art thou the promiscous, art love's gain is what love preach,?



Cause love, when u leave, left behind are the dark, the null, the void,
Oh dawn, are you the one to bring light to a world of light devoid?,
Why then oh bright one did u fail to light me up.. and leave me paranoid?



The above are the revelations of a fallen fool.... as observed in the manuscripts of yore and witnessed by endless time...

Oh fool, may thou rest in peace